Always.

Still after all this time I miss you... it hurts to think about all the stuff, that went more than just wrong. I'm so so sorry... I wish... I really wish there was a chance for me to express how much I'm regretting all of it. still I wake up at night in tears... still I dream of you... and still I wake up and cry cause you're not here. my whole body aches. I can't even think straight. everything feels like littles pieces of ripped paper...or shards of a broken mirror... I'm so sorry... why can't my hands stop shaking... why can't I just stop thinking about you and what happened....and of a way to make it alright.... without a solution... going in circles with no way out. still I...think it serves me right... it's some kind of revenge for what I did... and still I ask "what's forgiveness....?" what are lilies... still there's no answer... but I know... I'm feeling lonely... with every night, with every word including you, every tought of you, every memory and when visiting places from when you were close to me.... it pierces right through me... hopefully... this is what you wanted to show me... I'm so sorry...